Archive for 'attitude'

From Broken To Beautiful

Sunday, March 3rd, 2013 at 8:15 PM  
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The pain passes but the beauty remains - Renoir
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Let’s be honest, there have been times when we’ve all just wanted to fall down into a puddle on the floor over something awful that happened. I remember, for instance, with painstaking clarity the first time (and each thereafter) that my heart was broken into a million pieces by a careless boy, the time that I first learned that my Mother has cancer, and the time that I was told that my Mother-in-Law had passed away in her sleep. My knees literally gave out under the heaviness of my heart, and somewhere deep inside of me I just knew that nothing would ever be the same again.

Life has a way of doing that. You know, not quite working out as we had planned. Sometimes we look at the broken pieces of ourselves and wonder how we will ever get put back together again. Life just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense most of the time, because despite our best efforts at controlling everything around us, life is frustratingly unpredictable. It happens, with or without our permission.

One thing I’ve learned, as I’m sure you have, is that pain does pass in time. Though we might not have ever thought it possible, out of the brokenness of life’s biggest disasters come an undeniable sense of renewal and strength. Think back for a moment on the last thing that happened that completely shattered your world. Now consider where you are today. Not only are you still kicking, but you have proven yourself to be stronger than you could have ever imagined, haven’t you? Read the rest of this entry

5 Things For Singles to Remember This Valentine’s Day

Thursday, February 14th, 2013 at 11:46 PM  
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How sweet it is to feel the love of someone special on Valentine’s Day. For many, this holiday is the perfect opportunity to express care, (re)kindle romance, and make special memories together to last a lifetime. Though for others, Valentine’s Day is perhaps the most dreaded day of the year. Dubbed “Singles Awareness Day,” it seems to be an evil plot to shine a giant spotlight on the lonely and broken-hearted.

Earlier today one of the sweetest people I have ever known told me (in the wake of a recent break-up) that she is scared that she’ll never find her life partner. “I don’t have much more time to waste,” she said discouraged, worried about her “shelf life” as a woman. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! In what universe would someone like her not end up happy and loved?

(In full disclosure, I had those same fears during my late twenties. In fact, the night my now-husband proposed, all I kept saying over and over was, “I didn’t think I would ever get married!” Though it was a sincere expression of disbelief and delight, it was so embarrassing that my mother had to ask me to stop saying that. But let me tell you, if I can find a wonderful partner, so can my sweet, talented, and beautiful friend.)

So I reminded her of a few things that I think might be equally valuable for the rest of you single ladies and gents out there to hear. So listen closely: Read the rest of this entry

Turning Lemons Into Lemonade and Other Important Life Lessons (Regina Brett’s Story)

Thursday, January 17th, 2013 at 9:01 PM  
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The Viral Regina Brett
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A few weeks ago a picture of the fabulously eccentric lady above jumped out from my Facebook news feed. Below the picture was the following message:

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer Newspaper, Cleveland, Ohio. ”To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone. Read the rest of this entry

5 Steps to Persevering Through Your Obstacles

Thursday, January 3rd, 2013 at 10:56 PM  
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Legs of a young man running
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Having been invigorated by the promise of the new year, I hope you’ve (re)committed yourself to pursuing a meaningful and passion-filled life. If you have been taking purposeful steps towards this goal, you’ve likely realized by now that chasing your fire is not a simple task. There are often many obstacles along the way – some practical, others relational, and then there are the doubts and fears in your own head to overcome as well. I’m sure you’ve caught yourself thinking, “Can I really do this?” “Am I crazy for even trying?”

Know that you are much braver than you realize, my friend. You have chosen to take the road less traveled, and it’s that way for a reason. As my Dad liked to remind me throughout my life, “If it was easy, everyone would be doing it!” You’ve chosen to be the exception to the rule, which means that you have to prove everyone (and sometimes even your own doubts) wrong. Embrace this challenge, because this much I know to be true: If you believe in yourself, absolutely anything is possible.

There is no obstacle so big or intimidating that could keep you from the life you are actively fighting for.

Don’t believe me? Take this incredible story as testimony: Read the rest of this entry

7 New Year’s Resolutions To Make Every Day

Wednesday, December 26th, 2012 at 10:00 AM  
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Firework 2 by Apollo777
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As the new year beckons, many of us feel comforted and excited at the promise of a fresh start. It is as if the past year’s unfulfilled goals and inefficiencies are left in the rear view mirror; our focus on our futures, full of promise.

It’s no wonder that new year’s resolutions are so popular. From eating healthier and exercising more frequently, to learning a second language or spending more time with loved ones, we set (sometimes lofty) goals to ensure that this year will be different from the last. You see, as Charles Lamb puts it so eloquently, “New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday.”

Though new year’s resolutions are a wonderful tradition that brings hope and motivation for many (myself included), I wonder why it is that we wait for big events like the new year to give ourselves permission to start living bigger, better, and more extraordinary lives. Shouldn’t that be the resolve of every day? Read the rest of this entry

Are You Avoiding Your Potential?

Thursday, December 6th, 2012 at 10:37 PM  
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What do you do when the alarm clock summons you into consciousness each morning? Do you lay there for a minute, thinking, “Noooo! Can’t I just stay here all day?” or do you jump out of bed excited about the promise that the day brings?

Sadly, not many people wake up eager for the day ahead. Life is complicated and messy, and circumstances can often leave you feeling heavy, tired, and burned out. Maybe your current job is not inspiring you, maybe the reality of your impending college graduation or retirement is debilitating, maybe you don’t have the support that you seek both personally and professionally, or maybe you don’t know how you let the life you imagined slip out of your fingers.

Everyone feels defeated and overwhelmed at some point or another. Thing is, instead of getting up and doing something about it we stand there frozen in disbelief and fear – like deer in the headlights.

I can’t tell you how many times I meet with clients who come to me desperate for answers when in truth they know exactly what they want for their lives – but are getting in their own way. They focus on obstacles, fears, and the millions of reasons why it can’t be done instead of working to overcome the odds. They spend hours following the realities of others on television instead of living their own lives to the fullest, keeping up with the happenings of their friends on Facebook instead of making meaningful real-life connections, or “pinning” things that they would like to do (travel, cook, craft, decorate, etc.), while never turning the computer off long enough to actually go do them. Read the rest of this entry

Be The Exception! (Trevin Hunte’s Story)

Thursday, September 20th, 2012 at 11:56 PM  
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You might have realized by now that I’m a sucker for reality talent shows like The Voice, X-factor, and American Idol.  In truth, it’s not so much the performances that keep me glued to the television as it is the incredible stories behind the talent. What unfolds are stories of passion, vulnerability, hope, and perseverance –  inspiring real life examples of people who are chasing their fire despite the odds.

Take 18-year old Trevin Hunte for example. Recently on The Voice, Trevin blew the judges away with his performance of “Listen” (by Beyonce Knowles). Within the first few seconds of his buttery voice filling the auditorium, the crowd rose to their feet as the judges’ chairs flung around to see the face behind the voice. The judges fought over Trevin, knowing that his was a rare talent. “I hit my button out of sheer respect…it absolutely blows my mind!” said Blake Shelton. CeeLo agreed, “You might be that dude to win this thing!”

Here’s the ironic part:

Trevin Hunte was told by his eighth grade teacher that he wouldn’t become anything. And what’s worse, he believed her. 

“Confidence hasn’t always been the biggest thing in my life,” he told the judges as he shared his story. It took all of him to pursue his passion given the voices in the back of his mind that kept insisting that he could not do it. ”Screw your 8th grade teacher!” judge Blake cried out in disbelief. (Can I hear an Amen to that?)

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A Lesson in Humility: How To Win People Over as You Pursue Your Passion

Friday, September 14th, 2012 at 9:40 AM  
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This week in reality TV land, millions of viewers watched as a relentlessly ambitious and seemingly heartless twenty-something from Texas became X-Factors’ newest villain. It was painful to see other contestants falling prey to Kaci Newton and her sister Kaylee’s shameless gossiping and mean-girling. Eager to pursue her passion for music on a national platform, Kaci pushed others aside and belittled them in an effort to assert her own worth.

This video gives you a sneak peak into some of the events that transpired, though it doesn’t capture the drama in full. Seemingly sweet in front of the judges, Kaci spat out venom behind the scenes and failed to win favor with the judges or America. Kaci’s actions were so distasteful that even Simon Cowell – one of America’s most controversial talent judges – called her a “vile monster.” Now if you’ve ever watched Simon Cowell in his prime on shows like American Idol, you’ll know that comment says a lot coming from him.

Like Kaci, we can all get wrapped up in ourselves sometimes. Eager to chase our fires, we forget that we need people in our corner along the journey. No (wo)man is an island. Ambition and a desire to be successful can be wonderful things, but no-one likes someone who is self-absorbed, dismissive, or publicly critical of others. In Kaci’s case, America responded by booing, laughing at her expense, and eventually kicking her off the X-Factor ‘island’ that she so fiercely staked claim to.

Though most of us will likely never face the public ridicule that has ensued for Kaci, stepping on people to get to the top still has major consequences. Not only can it severely damage our social standing, reputation, and careers, but it can also lead to lasting pain for others.

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10 Daily Promises to Ignite Your Inner Optimist

Thursday, August 23rd, 2012 at 11:06 PM  
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I recently stumbled upon an inspiring TED Talk by Tali Sharot, author of The Optimism Bias: A Tour of the Irrationally Positive Brain, where she discussed the value of overestimating the positive. “Some people say the secret to happiness is low expectations,” she explained. “If we don’t expect greatness, if we don’t expect to find love and be healthy and successful, we’re not going to be disappointed when these things don’t happen. And when we’re pleasantly surprised when they do, we will be happy. It’s a very good theory, but it is wrong.”

Someone please give that woman an “Amen!” I’ve never understood the reasoning behind low expectations, as it seemed to often belong to people who perpetuated mediocrity. I’ve always been more in favor of the school of thought that says that good things come to those who challenge themselves, work really hard, and believe in their ability to be successful. Those folks have good reason to be optimistic because they are they are the architects of their own lives. Along similar lines of thought, Tali shares the following reasons why low expectations do in fact not lead to happiness:

“Whatever happens, whether you succeed or fail, people with high expectations always feel better, because how we feel – when we get dumped or we win employee of the month – depends on how we interpret that event.”

Tali reminds us that we have choice in how we interpret the things that happen in our lives, and this choice can very well determine our happiness. Does failing (whatever that might look like for you) tend to make you lie nose first on the ground feeling sorry for yourself, or does it motivate you to get up and fight for the future you have imagined? When life goes wrong, do you blame yourself, call yourself bad names, maybe even feel worthless? Or do you accept that some things are outside of your control and have nothing to do with your ability to be successful? If you make the conscious choice to interpret events positively and to attribute constructive emotions to such events, you are allowing room for success and happiness in your life. Read the rest of this entry

Be Yourself, Bravely

Thursday, August 9th, 2012 at 10:36 AM  
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As a child, I was seemingly fearless. I’m not sure whether I didn’t know to be afraid of what others might think, or whether I just didn’t care. Either way, childhood Vera was a force to be reckoned with. Seemingly oblivious to social pressures, I bravely catapulted myself into the world (bucktoothed and chicken-legged), excitedly carving my own path.

Without reservation, I tried my hand at just about everything. You might not know it looking at me now, but it turned out that I was quite the little athlete in my youth. I competed in nearly every athletic event known to man (including shot-put and javelin) and brought home trophy after trophy. Admittedly, my “talent” didn’t take me much further than regional competitions, but those shiny trophies sure did make me feel like I could do anything. I never worried about being inferior to others; I was just having fun.

I also loved being creative from an early age. My saint of a mother allowed me to stake claim to our dining room table for days on end, and to my father’s dismay, dinner was often served among craft supplies. Nothing made my heart sing more than loosing hours of my day in this way. Well, truthfully, nothing except maybe the moment where I could proudly share my work and beam, “I made that!”

I was never afraid that others would not like my handiwork. Quite the opposite, in fact. I saw worth in what I had made and I created opportunities to share it with others. I would walk door to door in our neighborhood, fearlessly selling my “masterpieces.”  I even had my own booth at my school’s “Entrepreneurship Day” and was pretty excited when my classmates sported my jewelry. As a child, I felt confident in myself and unstoppable, really. I believed that the world was my oyster.

When I look back on those days now I can’t help but miss the innocent optimism and fearlessness so characteristic of my youth. As is the case for many of you, growing up meant learning tough lessons about social acceptance and the penalties of putting yourself out there.  I quickly learned that my best efforts would not always win trophies or be received favorably. Instead, there were now others who seemed compelled to remind me that the world was in fact not my oyster. In tough times my dad would lovingly say, “The tallest trees catch the most wind!”  Honestly, sometimes it really sucked being a tall tree.

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