Archive for 'self actualization'

Doing the Brave Thing (Ilse’s Story)

Thursday, September 27th, 2012 at 9:57 PM  
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A couple of weeks ago a beautiful e-mail arrived in my inbox unexpectedly from a Chasing Your Fire follower. I hadn’t received much mail from readers prior to that, so it was a complete shock to me and definitely made my day. In truth, I was about at the point where I was doubting whether anyone was actually reading and benefiting from the messages that I poured my soul into each week. So you can imagine that I felt like a kid on Christmas morning as I unwrapped the beautiful words in front of me.

Having recently liberated herself from a high profile career that made her miserable, Ilse’s message is a powerful one that she desires to share with others in her position. With her permission, I have included her beautiful words below so that her story of courage, self-discovery, and hope will inspire you to also chase your fire – whatever that might look like for you.

In Ilse’s own words:

Dear Vera…

 

It was with great surprise, or perhaps better yet, great divine intent that your  page “Chasing Your Fire” appeared in my Facebook news feed! So I thought that I would share my story of great realization with you,  given the impact of your post’s miraculous appearance in my news feed.

 

Let me start by giving you a bit of background as to how I ended up where I currently am. I loved every bit of my life up to my graduation from University. Then, like the majority of graduates I set out to seek employment. I was subsequently appointed by a specialist recruitment consultancy in [city], who won numerous awards for being the best company to work for at the time. However,

 

I soon realized that I was killing my passion and losing out on precious friendships and relationships which I so dearly wanted to foster.

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Be The Exception! (Trevin Hunte’s Story)

Thursday, September 20th, 2012 at 11:56 PM  
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You might have realized by now that I’m a sucker for reality talent shows like The Voice, X-factor, and American Idol.  In truth, it’s not so much the performances that keep me glued to the television as it is the incredible stories behind the talent. What unfolds are stories of passion, vulnerability, hope, and perseverance –  inspiring real life examples of people who are chasing their fire despite the odds.

Take 18-year old Trevin Hunte for example. Recently on The Voice, Trevin blew the judges away with his performance of “Listen” (by Beyonce Knowles). Within the first few seconds of his buttery voice filling the auditorium, the crowd rose to their feet as the judges’ chairs flung around to see the face behind the voice. The judges fought over Trevin, knowing that his was a rare talent. “I hit my button out of sheer respect…it absolutely blows my mind!” said Blake Shelton. CeeLo agreed, “You might be that dude to win this thing!”

Here’s the ironic part:

Trevin Hunte was told by his eighth grade teacher that he wouldn’t become anything. And what’s worse, he believed her. 

“Confidence hasn’t always been the biggest thing in my life,” he told the judges as he shared his story. It took all of him to pursue his passion given the voices in the back of his mind that kept insisting that he could not do it. ”Screw your 8th grade teacher!” judge Blake cried out in disbelief. (Can I hear an Amen to that?)

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9 Keys to Inviting Happiness Into Your Life – Part 2

Thursday, September 6th, 2012 at 2:14 PM  
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I firmly believe that each one of us has the capacity for genuine, undeniable, and abundant happiness. While some think that such a belief is foolish, I disagree. I don’t think we really have a choice but to believe that true happiness is within our reach. The alternative is believing that we are destined to live unfulfilled, meaningless lives. I simply cannot and will not resign to that notion, and I hope you don’t either. Instead, let’s choose to believe with Aristotle that,

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.”

Yes! We are born to chase our fire(s) and to liberate and celebrate our best selves (read BE HAPPY)! When we live extraordinary lives, it’s near impossible not to radiate happiness. I’m talking about the kind of happiness where your heart threatens to burst from the confines of your chest, where your cheeks take strain from smiling so much, and where your belly aches from the laughter that emanates from your soul.  Such moments of abundant happiness are what bring meaning to our lives and what make our days more manageable.

But what if those moments seem to be growing fewer and farther between? Life has this way of getting a bit distracting at times, and before you know it, you are caught up in the logistics of it all while forgetting to actually live it. (I like to call this “operating on autopilot.”) If this sounds at all familiar, please STOP. Right now.

The truth is that you are the author of your own reality, and only you can choose to write happiness into your story. 

A good place to start inviting happiness into your life is by implementing the 9 keys below. Last week I discussed the first four of these keys (I encourage you to read more about them here if you haven’t yet), and this week I will conclude with a discussion of the final five keys:

H – Seek Harmony

A – Appreciate Your Blessings

P – Pursue Your Passion

P – Purge Your Life

I – Be Intentional Read the rest of this entry

9 Keys to Inviting Happiness Into Your Life – Part 1

Friday, August 31st, 2012 at 2:26 AM  
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Each of us has the capacity for genuine, undeniable, and abundant happiness. I’m talking about the kind of happiness where your heart threatens to burst from the confines of your chest, where your cheeks take strain from smiling so much, and where your belly aches from the laughter that emanates from your soul.  Such moments of abundant happiness are what bring meaning to our lives and what make our days more manageable. As Aristotle said,

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” 

But what if those moments are few and far between? What if happiness seems like an elusive ideal and a fool’s paradise? Life, as messy as it is, can often be overwhelming. Sometimes it might feel like it is standing directly in the way of happiness, and there is nothing to be done about it. But that’s not true. Don’t be tricked into thinking you don’t have a horse in the happiness race just because your circumstances might look different than the guy next to you. You are the author of your own reality, so keep clinging (with all your might) to the hope that happiness is still within your reach. Because it is – but only if you believe it to be so and if you actively will it into your life. As Alexandre Dumas reminds us,

“Happiness is like those places in fairytales whose gates are guarded by dragons: We must fight in order to conquer it.” 

Though there are many views on how to attain happiness, here are the 9 keys that I rely on to invite happiness into my life. I hope they will hold meaning for you as well:

H – Seek Harmony

A – Appreciate Your Blessings

P – Pursue Your Passion

P – Purge Your Life

I – Be Intentional Read the rest of this entry

10 Daily Promises to Ignite Your Inner Optimist

Thursday, August 23rd, 2012 at 11:06 PM  
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I recently stumbled upon an inspiring TED Talk by Tali Sharot, author of The Optimism Bias: A Tour of the Irrationally Positive Brain, where she discussed the value of overestimating the positive. “Some people say the secret to happiness is low expectations,” she explained. “If we don’t expect greatness, if we don’t expect to find love and be healthy and successful, we’re not going to be disappointed when these things don’t happen. And when we’re pleasantly surprised when they do, we will be happy. It’s a very good theory, but it is wrong.”

Someone please give that woman an “Amen!” I’ve never understood the reasoning behind low expectations, as it seemed to often belong to people who perpetuated mediocrity. I’ve always been more in favor of the school of thought that says that good things come to those who challenge themselves, work really hard, and believe in their ability to be successful. Those folks have good reason to be optimistic because they are they are the architects of their own lives. Along similar lines of thought, Tali shares the following reasons why low expectations do in fact not lead to happiness:

“Whatever happens, whether you succeed or fail, people with high expectations always feel better, because how we feel – when we get dumped or we win employee of the month – depends on how we interpret that event.”

Tali reminds us that we have choice in how we interpret the things that happen in our lives, and this choice can very well determine our happiness. Does failing (whatever that might look like for you) tend to make you lie nose first on the ground feeling sorry for yourself, or does it motivate you to get up and fight for the future you have imagined? When life goes wrong, do you blame yourself, call yourself bad names, maybe even feel worthless? Or do you accept that some things are outside of your control and have nothing to do with your ability to be successful? If you make the conscious choice to interpret events positively and to attribute constructive emotions to such events, you are allowing room for success and happiness in your life. Read the rest of this entry

7 Confidence Builders To Keep You Moving In The Direction of Your Dreams

Thursday, August 16th, 2012 at 1:34 PM  
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“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!

Live the life you’ve imagined!“

Henry David Thoreau’s call to action never fails to inspire. Who wouldn’t want the kind of life he describes? I know I do! But in reality, that’s quite a tall order for most of us. Going in the direction of your dreams takes courage, resources, support, and a plan. Most importantly, Thoreau reminds us that the most well-formulated goals can only bring you so far without the self-confidence necessary to pursue them. 

Sadly, they don’t sell confidence in a bottle. It is built, slowly, through self-exploration, loving support, and experience to prove to yourself that you can do it (whatever “it” is). It requires patience, time, self-acceptance (and celebration!), and self-nurturing. Though it can seem like a lifelong journey for some,  self-confidence can propel you in the direction of your dreams and sustain you as you chase your fire.

If you’re not the most confident person, don’t be discouraged. We all have moments in our lives that we doubt ourselves. Yes, all of us – even seemingly fearless folks like Donald Trump, Mother Theresa, Barack Obama, or Missy Franklin. So count yourself among giants! These 7 action steps will help you to build confidence and lift your spirits as you keep moving in the direction of your dreams:

Embrace What Makes You Unique

Take “me time” regularly to break away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and to self-reflect. Be still. Listen. Think. Journal. Consider meeting with a Counselor to assess your personality, skills, values, strengths, abilities, and interests.  There is so much joy in the process of self-discovery!  When we understand more about who we are, how we relate to the world, what kinds of activities make us come alive, and which kinds of environments best suit us, we feel validated, empowered, and special. We naturally start embracing and celebrating the things that make us unique. It’s very difficult (near impossible!) to feel down on yourself when you keep learning just how awesome you really are and become aware of the many great gifts you have to offer! Read the rest of this entry

Be Yourself, Bravely

Thursday, August 9th, 2012 at 10:36 AM  
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As a child, I was seemingly fearless. I’m not sure whether I didn’t know to be afraid of what others might think, or whether I just didn’t care. Either way, childhood Vera was a force to be reckoned with. Seemingly oblivious to social pressures, I bravely catapulted myself into the world (bucktoothed and chicken-legged), excitedly carving my own path.

Without reservation, I tried my hand at just about everything. You might not know it looking at me now, but it turned out that I was quite the little athlete in my youth. I competed in nearly every athletic event known to man (including shot-put and javelin) and brought home trophy after trophy. Admittedly, my “talent” didn’t take me much further than regional competitions, but those shiny trophies sure did make me feel like I could do anything. I never worried about being inferior to others; I was just having fun.

I also loved being creative from an early age. My saint of a mother allowed me to stake claim to our dining room table for days on end, and to my father’s dismay, dinner was often served among craft supplies. Nothing made my heart sing more than loosing hours of my day in this way. Well, truthfully, nothing except maybe the moment where I could proudly share my work and beam, “I made that!”

I was never afraid that others would not like my handiwork. Quite the opposite, in fact. I saw worth in what I had made and I created opportunities to share it with others. I would walk door to door in our neighborhood, fearlessly selling my “masterpieces.”  I even had my own booth at my school’s “Entrepreneurship Day” and was pretty excited when my classmates sported my jewelry. As a child, I felt confident in myself and unstoppable, really. I believed that the world was my oyster.

When I look back on those days now I can’t help but miss the innocent optimism and fearlessness so characteristic of my youth. As is the case for many of you, growing up meant learning tough lessons about social acceptance and the penalties of putting yourself out there.  I quickly learned that my best efforts would not always win trophies or be received favorably. Instead, there were now others who seemed compelled to remind me that the world was in fact not my oyster. In tough times my dad would lovingly say, “The tallest trees catch the most wind!”  Honestly, sometimes it really sucked being a tall tree.

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3 Reasons Why You Are Not Defined By Your Job

Thursday, July 26th, 2012 at 12:21 PM  
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You are at a dinner party working the room, mingling with familiar faces and meeting new ones.  Dressed to impress, you introduce yourself with an inviting smile and a firm handshake. Your new acquaintance expresses what a pleasure it is to meet you, and then uses the all too familiar fallback conversation starter:

“So, John…what do you do?” 

How many times have you had to answer that question? Probably more than you care to answer. This age old form of small talk illustrates how identity is often tied to profession by an awkward blurry line that merges who we are with what we do for a living. As if in our minds we believe that in order to understand someone else, we must first know what work they do.

This is not a new phenomenon. In years past, people were often known by their job titles. In South Africa, for instance, many family names stemmed from the husband’s occupation. The now common first and last name “Piet Poliesman”  literally translates to, “Peter the Police Officer.” Talk about personal branding!

Sure, the activities that we are involved in (including work) take up a large portion of our time, energy, and attention and therefore does determine the focus of much of our lives. But does work define our lives and our existence? I think not.

The world of work is different today than it was for our friend Peter. Those living in the 20th century learned that if they were loyal to an organization they would be rewarded with stable employment and likely also financial security – the ingredients that offered them a firm foundation for a life and future. Unfortunately, in today’s world of work, this is no longer the case, so it is foolish to try to define ourselves in the same way. Today:

Organizations are fluid

The 21st century has brought with it rapid advances in information technology which vastly expanded world markets. Globalization has necessitated that organizations operate and make decisions not only quicker, but also smarter. Consequently, barriers between functional units are often removed, thereby essentially flattening hierarchical structures of the 20th century to create organizations that are in essence boundaryless. Read the rest of this entry

The Truth About You

Thursday, July 19th, 2012 at 10:45 AM  
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Things move fairly slowly in the South on the best of days, but as the muggy Mississippi heat crawls its way under your skin during the unbearable summer months, Southern life slows down even further – as if to compensate. As students leave campus to go on big summer adventures, staff members are left on ghost campuses with few immediate demands on our attention. (This is quite a contrast to having our lives seemingly revolve around student needs during the normal semester.) Despite the humidity, summer therefore brings a breath of long awaited fresh air.

With fewer appointments on my calendar I have had more time to devote to deep, meaningful conversations (DMC’s as I like to call them) with my colleagues, friends, and even the odd student. In the process, I’ve gotten to know several incredibly talented, smart and beautiful people – both inside and out. Sadly (and surprisingly) it seems that many of them have shared one thing in common:  they are choosing not to show their true selves to the world.

A talented friend wants nothing more than to counsel troubled youth, but is too afraid to apply to graduate school because she doesn’t think that she could succeed. A warm, loving, tenderhearted friend finds herself in a terribly unhealthy relationship but is afraid to leave because she doesn’t think she could find love again. A brave new professional is having trouble being himself around new colleagues because he is trying so hard to impress and please everyone. A sweet girl has been burned so much by those she trusted that she refuses to let others in. Another colorful friend lives behind a gray mask to hide his homosexuality from the world and sometimes even himself.

Each one of these incredible individuals fail to acknowledge (or understand?) just how special they are in their own way. Overcome by fear of rejection and/or failure, they each lack the confidence to let their true colors show.

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3 Reasons Why Your Passion Is Unclear To You

Thursday, July 12th, 2012 at 6:06 AM  
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“Vera, I have a question for you,” my friend Rebecca said shyly during our lunch date today. “Your message about chasing your fire has gotten me really excited about the prospect of living truer to myself. But…

I am 35 years old and I still don’t know what my passion is…

What if I don’t have one?

Phew, what a question! One that I’ve heard many times over and one that takes a lot of courage to ask of yourself – let alone out loud. It’s a confusing thing when you are not sure what brings meaning to you and your life other than your loved ones. There are many things that we enjoy doing. The type of television shows we watch, the kinds of magazines, newspapers or websites we gravitate to, or the kinds of activities we like to be involved in all point to our interests. But just because we enjoy doing something doesn’t make it a passion. I think this is what concerned Rebecca.

There is a distinct difference between enjoying an activity (whether it be writing, public speaking, knitting, playing tennis, volunteering, etc.) and feeling compelled to do it. Like you don’t have a choice in the matter. Like if you don’t do it, you won’t be able to feel at peace until you do. As if your soul is threatening to just shrivel up and die if you don’t listen to it. Read the rest of this entry

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